I am new to Daaman/SIF, how can you help me?

Daaman is a registered, non-funded, non-profit self-help men's rights group operating under the aegis of Save Indian Family Movement. You can get to know more about us here.

We do not provide advocates to any members and we expect members to attend our weekly meetings regularly. Our counsellors there would guide you to swim through your cases according to the action plan you prepared.

I do not have a SIF chapter in my city. What should I do?

Take it as an opportunity, start a new chapter. And for that, be a SIF Volunteer in your city and gather more and more people.

How many advocates do you have on your panel?

We do not have any advocate for those who join us or seek our help. Save Indian Family (SIF) is a movement and Daaman is a part of it. The priority of any movement is to fight for the cause, targeting to eradicate the evil that instigates or encourages some odd situation for the society, and all this does not require the empanelment of advocates.

What is the joining, and other fees or charges applicable?

Nothing!

We being a movement do not have any provision of joining fee or any other charges.

Do you accept donations?

Yes, we accept voluntary donations from the public.

Anyone can help make a difference in men’s lives–by joining Daaman in the survival, protection, and development of men, most vulnerable to committing suicide in India.

Your contribution will help ensure and strengthen the fight against the ongoing and ever-increasing threat of gender bias in society and laws.

Why are you guys putting in time and resources to do this while not gaining a single penny from it?

Gender bias in society and laws affects all of us. Today it could be someone else who is getting affected; tomorrow it could be any of us.

Moreover, it's not just us affected, the way this inherent bias is increasing, it's going to be even more challenging for the generations to come.

What’s your policy regarding advocates?

We do not have any specific policy for advocates. To understand more about our relationship and engagement with advocates, read here.

Am falsely accused of rape, what should I do?

First thing you should do is relax, don’t panic and must remember that justice is for those who fight for it. Just like any other criminal case, rape case is also contested on evidence, contradictions, intentional omissions, unclean hands and pointing the actual intent of the complainant victim.

On an average around 76% of rape cases reported in the country result in an acquittal. And which result in conviction are mostly based on the confessions of accused taken either forcibly or emotionally, or under the coercion of the complainant victim.

The moment you are implicated, get the copy of the complaint immediately along with any other document related to the complaint, for eg. MLC.

Directly or indirectly, do not communicate with the complainant victim or her witnesses.

Start collating any and every evidence, digital or physical.

Try for a stay on arrest and join the investigation, else seek anticipatory bail as soon as possible.

Am falsely implicated in a POCSO case, what should I do?

POCSO is becoming a new tool in custody battles as the understanding of this offence is limited to a level that almost everyone is immediately convicted in the eyes of society. Even though most of the cases are also found to be false, but the victim is way too innocent (a child) for doubting. Unfortunately, criminal-minded women playing at the back of it.

Fighting POCSO is slightly different from rape as generally, you can only question the authenticity of the complainant, not the complainant.

What should I know about Workplace Harassment?

Once a complaint is made, it needs to be forwarded to the ICC (Internal Complaint Committee) that every company have now. This ICC would then conduct an investigation and make a decision which may or may not be shared with the accused.

If found guilty, ICC would forward the complaint to the Police for filing case under IPC 509 – outraging the modesty of women or other sections, if required.

In the meanwhile, the alleged victim (only a female) can get paid leaves, can get the accused suspended till trial, can get him or her transferred to her convenience and also get financial and legal assistance free of cost to make her alleged case strong.

Dos and donts - Workplace Harassment?

Avoid ‘Chivalry’! Opening doors may also be taken as your attempt to hit on to your female colleague.

Avoid being with a female employee alone and if that happens make sure that CCTV is functional around. Doesn’t matter if you are reporting to her or if she is reporting to you.

Do not allow female sales girls inside the house at all even if you want the product.

Don’t use any slangs even with female colleague friends.

Avoid carpool, lifts, shared cabs with the women employee (especially with whom you closely work).

Perform appraisal, performance feedback sessions, interview of women employees in the presence of cameras or someone from HRD.

Avoid picking/dropping women during office parties/outings.

Avoid BPD, NPD, Sycophantic, 498A women in your teams/companies.

Workplace Harassment – what it means?

Workplace harassment Act was passed in 2013.

Though Men form over 70% of the total workforce, they have been left out in the Workplace Harassment Act.

Any women colleague, any salesgirl in your premise, any working girl in her workplace (workplace can be anywhere outside the office too) can file a case on you.

Even the Central Administrative Tribunal has said that this Act is unconstitutional but still, India Inc. is living and paying for such a biased law.

Most of the companies have even increased their Insurance cover to take care of such fake lawsuits arising from Workplace Harassment.

Am implicated in a false workplace harassment case, what should I do?

Enrol people from your team, friends who can take a stand for you.

Gather as many pieces of evidence as you can and present your case well.

See if there is a history attached to the concerned women (e.g. such case earlier, false 498A case, etc.).

Apply for an anticipatory bail in case matter goes out to police.

Electronic evidence could be your saviour. Don’t lose emails, messages, FB, SMS, any professional track record.

Do not resign! Running away is not the answer. Your background checks in future companies would reveal all this.

Investigation Officer is forcing to accept a list of claimed 'Stridhan' or asking to return the same, what should I do?

First, police or the opposite party has no right to ask you to return anything, threatening to implicate in a case of criminal breach of trust. You can return something if you have something that was entrusted to you by the opposite party.

Note, that as per the rules of the dowry prohibition act, any list not signed by both parties, during the marriage, is not valid.

It is always advisable to ask the investigation officer to investigate and come to trial if found guilty will accept the punishment. Always remember, to convict you for criminal breach of trust, it's for the opposite party to prove entrustment, asking back, denial and misappropriation.

Is the husband or his family required to compensate for the marriage expenses?

Nowhere in the law is any provision that mentions that the husband or his family has to compensate marriage expenses to the girl side if the marriage fails. Such things occur only when people mutually compromise out of court.

But, from your side, you should be ready with a list of the expenses you have done along with a list of the items you or your family members had given them as customary gifts.

What to do if the court or mediator forces me to compromise when the matrimonial cases are going on?

Why not prefer to compromise only after proving the false allegations against you and your family as baseless, free of guilt, protecting own self-respect and family's social reputation?

Such a similar situation occurred with one of our members Manish Srivastav and he preferred a very refined and mature line of action. Just go through this application to avoid crumbling under the pressure for compromise and fight for justice.

Compromising in matrimonial disputes is a technical issue. No thumb rule of success is applicable here. It's advisable to discuss this in our weekly meeting.

Multiple maintenance cases have been filed against me, what should I do?

No matter how many cases or applications she file, she will get maintenance under any one provision only, but you will have to fight all of them. There are certain basics to contest maintenance case, follow them.

Apart from that, keep handy proofs of her educational qualifications, job, fixed deposits, valuable items, property, bank account, PPF, PF, ITR, PAN, mobile bill or any purchase bills etc. as far as possible.

Get rid of your assets in a planned manner.

Child Custody, what should I do?

Any case filed for child's custody should appear to have been filed by a loving father, instead of a lawyer! Child custody matter is an issue of the child's rights rather than the father's rights. The pleadings should clearly state as to how the child is deprived of his right to get love and affection of the father, and other rights. One can prepare on the points including, but not limited to:

• Start sending gifts to the child through some e-commerce site or by postal order.
• Open Saving Account in favour of the child and deposit the money regularly as per your pocket conditions.
• If the child in the school, try to pay school fees from your account.
• Maintaining proper information about the child's health, education, etc.
• Petition Child Welfare Commission if there is negligence on the part of the wife towards the child's health, education, or another wellbeing.
• Ask for shared parenting based on the shared parenting plan prescribed by High Courts.
• Emphasise that the overall welfare of the child is with father only.

What is the goal of visitation or custody order?

The basic purpose of visitation or custody order is to make sure that the child gets love and affection of both is parents. This also enables the father to take part in his child's emotional, physical and mental upbringing.

It focuses to create a parenting plan that is in the best interest of your child considering the following broad points:

• The welfare of the child is of paramount interest.

• Considering the child’s basic needs.

• Considering the child’s age, personality, experiences, and abilities.

• Considering the nature and amount of contact with each parent.

• Providing frequent and consistent time with each parent.

• Providing a clear statement of parenting times and responsibilities.

I have a house jointly owned by me and my wife, but all payment/EMI paid by me?

Even though as a settled proposition of law, the percentage of share in any property is directly proportional to the amount paid in acquiring the property. But here, she is a co-owner so she can very well claim the right to stay in that house.

I have a house in my name, can wife claim right on that house? Can she claim residence in my parental house?

As far as the property in your name is concerned, yes, she can claim the right to residence in your house or you can offer alternate rented accommodation under PWDVA 2005.

If you stay along with your parents in ancestral property, she can ask the same under domestic violence law claiming it to the ‘shared household’.

If I commit suicide will the case get closed?

Tens of thousands of men commit suicide each, but we haven’t seen anyone’s cases or problems getting closed this way. On the contrary, this step only adds to the miseries of the family. Even after suicide, your matrimonial cases would continue and your innocent parents have to suffer and they are compelled to surrender to legal terrorism.

This will also set opposite party free, as now she won’t even have to wait for the divorce.

By suicide, cases like 498A/DV do not get closed, your parents/relative have to continue to suffer as only 1 respondent / accused is dead. And she need not even wait for getting divorced. And just by being your widow, she will be entitled to have all your movable and immovable property.

The best option in such a trying situation is to enjoy your life to the fullest, travel new places, play sports. Never agree for Divorce as per their terms and fight your cases to the best of your ability. Become a SIF volunteer, join and help other innocent men in their battle for justice.

How can I avoid court dates?

Maximum Cases get spoiled for non-attendance in court dates by accused.

As per the criminal justice system, the accused should be present on court dates, if not, the court can issue a warrant for avoiding the court order.

If for any reason you are unable to attend some date, make sure that your lawyer file an exemption or adjournment application, as need be.

Will getting disowned from my parents help me or them?

Getting oneself disowned by parents can at most help reduce civil liability, it's unlikely that it'll help reduce criminal liability unless disowning appears genuine with no connection or staying with parents. Normally, disowning before any matrimonial dispute coming to fore is considered genuine. Disowning after the dispute is evident is considered a step taken to use in defence later on.

What precautions should be taken at the time of marriage of son/daughter?

Do not marry in a 498A or an alleged raped/harassed woman's family. The marriage certificate should say that NO dowry was given or taken during the marriage. Make sure the provisions of The Dowry Prohibition (Maintenance Of Lists Of Presents To The Bride And Bridegroom) Rules, 1985 are complied with. You need to ensure that the list of Gifts ( ‘Stridhan’) is signed by the couple along with 2 witnesses from each side. This should be recorded as a video. Do Not marry in the family where people are involved in illegal/fraudulent activities.

My wife is not staying with me but threatening me for false cases, What should I do?

Before anything else, first, accept your life is not like any of your other friends who are still under marital slavery. Prepare yourself and start collecting evidence to counter her cases and defend yourself. Do not close channels of communications and never use any provocative words from your sides. Don't jump and file any case in Family Court. Neither for restitution of conjugal rights nor for divorce. Maintain a record of all the conversation you have regarding your dispute. Also maintain a record of your presence, with a timestamp if possible, especially for weekends/holidays.

Can my parents / married sister be implicated in the case, even if they are staying separate?

It's a common practice to implicate sisters, parents and other family members in all possible criminal cases so that the woman can pressurise the family to the maximum. But, just alleging doesn't work, and that's why almost all the false cases result in acquittals.

Shall I file a divorce/restitution of conjugal rights?

It's not advisable to file either divorce or restitution of conjugal rights just in heat of the moment. And if at all you prefer to file, make sure you have proper evidence to substantiate your claim in court.

What all cases can be filed on me?

It entirely depends on the situation and circumstances you are going through. Circumstances of two persons are not necessarily identical, so likely cases also cannot be generalized.

Still, assuming that your is a matrimonial dispute, generally, women implicate men in cases of women harassment stating dowry to be the reason for the harassment, coupled with other usual allegation. Since the time arresting has stopped in 498A IPC FIRs, women also include some sections of heinous offences so the option to arrest is always there for the police.

Apart from that, cases/application for maintenance, domestic violence and child custody can also be filed against you.

How to handle Police Mediation/Women Cell/CAW?

First, as soon as you get to know about Police Mediation/Women Cell/CAW proceedings against you, immediately file RTI application and seek a copy of the complaint filed against you to avoid any modification/improvements in their version at later stages. Always remember, Police Mediation/Women Cell/CAW are places where they compel you to surrender to her demands and compromise. And to achieve this, they pressurise you emotionally, and if they feel like, they won't hesitate to threaten or intimidate you. Once there, maintain you cool and clarify them that once they register the FIR, you will fight the case in court till the end to prove your innocence. Repeatedly question opposite party's motive of filing false cases. If you feel any manipulation in proceedings there, write to higher authorities. Never put your signature or write anything without discussing it in weekly meetings. Never sign on blank paper. Never try to compromise hoping the case will get closed and it will solve your problem.

What is the most appropriate amount I should go with for MCD (mutual consent divorce)?

Though MCD is a personal choice if someone wishes to go with it. In our opinion, going for MCD with onetime settlement encourages others, unscrupulous people, to earn easy money by misusing laws and system.

Are there any myths related to gender-biased laws?

There are several things to take care including, and not limited to the following few:

• Those who think they haven't taken dowry so they are safe, are mistaken.
• Those who assume themselves to be safe as they stay away from girls are mistaken.
• Those who believe that just by virtue of engaging a 'very good' lawyer they are in safe hands are mistaken.
• Those who are convinced that they are immune to dowry harassment of 498A IPC case as 7 years have passed father the marriage are mistaken.
• Those who suppose that they'll be arrested as soon as anyone files a case against them are mistaken.
• Those who narrate that women are harassed for sure, but case filed against me is false, are mistaken.
• Those who supposedly know that even though false cases are filed in abundance but a few cases filed by girls are genuine too are mistaken.

Engaging a good lawyer sufficient to win in cases.

Plain and simple NO!

Outsourcing of court proceedings to some lawyer is among the most common reasons that spoil the cases.

If I resign from my job or show my income as NIL, I won’t have to pay maintenance.

That’s a common query among those implicated in false matrimonial cases.

One must remember that it's never advisable to leave the job just to avoid giving maintenance, rather, those leaving jobs or those showing their income as NIL are the worst sufferers of the maintenance laws. Showing NIL income instigates courts to assume your income using its discretion and order the maintenance accordingly.

One should never leave the monthly packet of biscuits just because he is being asked to share 2 biscuits with the opposite party also.

Government is taking every step to eradicate gender bias.

Government’s definition of gender equality considers empowering and protecting women only! It assumes that all the issues affect only women, hence forms all policies and laws for their benefit only, however, the reality is that almost all those issues are human rights issues that disproportionately affect men too! But under the garb of feminism, all policies are bent towards only women.

There is a vast difference between what the government does in the name of gender equality and what needs to be done. Government’s every policy aims to implement only CEDAW guidelines, without realizing the fact that any policy with biased data generated from gender-biased policies or laws in the foundation can never do any good to the society at large.

The government intentionally ignore to release the comparable data as to how any of the issues affect women and men distinctly. All that it shares is from women's perspective.

Men are stronger than women physically, what's the issue then?

Men appear to have more muscle mass and greater height, overall size, and physical strength, but the medical and health demonstrations worldwide in recent times have brought to the fore an underappreciated scientific fact that women have innate biological advantage and Men are the Weaker Sex when it comes to Survival. Baby girls are consistently more likely to make it to their first birthday; 80 % of all centenarians today are women; an incredible 95 % of those who reach the formidable age of 110 years old are women. While on average genetic males have more muscle mass and greater height, overall size, and physical strength, when it comes to surviving the physical hardships encountered from birth to late-in-life, genetic females almost always outlast genetic males.

Unlike women, men do not face any medical conditions that require special attention!

Men surviving some normal disease shouldn't be perceived that men cannot have any medical condition needing special attention! We tend to ignore the fact that Parkinson's Disease, ALS, and almost every type of cancer are seen more often in men than in women.

Women can reproduce so need special privileges, why should men feel bad?

If women consider themselves to be divinely chartered and precious just because of the ability to reproduce, they should go ahead and reproduce themselves. Men don't deny! But unfortunately, in order to reproduce God has asked both men and women to come together and then reproduce. Even women know this while having sex!

But, given an opportunity to choose your gender based on the consequences of sex and control thereafter, which one would you prefer?

What does 'Gynocentrism' mean?

According to Wikipedia, Gynocentrism is a dominant or exclusive focus on women in theory or practise; or to the advocacy of this. We can consider anything gynocentric when it is concerned exclusively with a female or feminist point of view. To better understand how this affects men or MRM, please read a post here.

What does 'Misandry' mean?

According to Wikipedia, Misandry is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against men or boys in general. Misandry may be manifested in numerous ways, including social exclusion, sex discrimination, hostility, gynocentrism, matriarchy, belittling of men, violence against men, and sexual objectification.

If you work for men, why are you concerned about women or feminism? Why not concentrate only on men’s issues?

Today's gynocentric society carries a baseless assumption it's only women who worse off in society due to gender inequalities and hence, it's only through gender equality that women can be helped.

Though we would not have any issue if men's human rights are not ignored in this blind drive of women empowerment. But, unfortunately, not one or two, but there are many aspects of feminism that directly interfere with men's cause, hence are themselves issues for men.

Why talk against them when not all women talk the same things?

We never talk against women!

The way it’s said that not all women talk the same things, similarly, not all members in any group or movement or party talk the same things; not all members of Congress or Bhartiya Janta Party or Samajwadi Party or Bahujan Samajwadi Party talk the same line, but we readily accept the possibility to reject any of these.

It may be because we dislike the ideology and actions of the representatives of the majority in the group or party; and not because of ideology and actions that are not representative of the majority within, that we are comfortable with.

What problem do you have with feminism?

We disagree with the hollow feminist narratives based only on assumptions that women are worse off in society due to gender inequalities and hence, it's only through gender equality that women can be helped. And that this gender equality can be achieved only by addressing the issues and well-being of women.

Don’t the labelling of men as bread earners and giving him power and authority as head of the family, discriminatory against women?

As a normal practice, it's women who often make household decisions. And, the days when as standard men used to the authority as the head of the family are almost gone.

Today, mediation centres are flooded with couples in whose problem-solving discussions wives are more dominant regardless of who initially raised the concern.

Why men's issues even remain to be addressed, when never in history have women been in power like men and men have always used this to their advantage?

Have we ever heard anything from any leading politician, irrespective of gender, regarding a disproportionately increasing number of school dropout boys, an ever-increasing number of male suicides, an ever-increasing number of false cases under gender-biased laws, father's access to the child post-separation, a disproportionate number of homeless men, prostate that overtook breast as 'most common cancer', higher rates of victimization of men for many types of violence? Whereas, there's a range of mechanisms and institutions specifically aimed to address women's issues.

Having someone else use power to benefit me can’t be equated with having power myself! Else, even a dictatorship would be counted as a democracy.

The government has programs concerning everything regarding women, from personal hygiene to paid maternity leaves to breast cancer, but nothing comparable for men, even when they face numerous serious issues.

Men do commit violence! Isn’t this true?

Female genital mutilation (FGM), also known as khatna or khafz is practised in India, in the Muslim Bohra community, and untrained midwives or older women in the community are usually the ones who carry out this procedure. The procedure is carried out usually with a knife or a blade, on girls aged anywhere between 6 to 10 years of age.

In FGM, does the victim girl receive solace from the knowledge that the perpetrator was the same gender? - Big NO! Even though FGM is perpetuated by other women, it’s still treated as a concerning problem.

So, the same-gender perpetrator cannot be a rebuttal to the existence of the problem, be the victim be a woman or a man.

It's unfortunate that under the garb of hollow feminism, even the treatment of a crime varies based on the accused's gender! And regardless of the gender of the victim, if the accused is a woman, it's seldom construed a 'crime'.

To understand more on the topic, read Men's Rights - Even when men themselves are generally violent?